This morning I went back to the Dr to give another blood sample. They'll test it and make sure my hormone levels are going down, instead of up, as they do with a healthy pregnancy. I'll find out tomorrow.
This may be TMI but the bleeding has gotten much lighter. It's still there, just light. For now that is. I have a feeling I'm not out of the woods just yet. It can't be that simple. It never is.
I'm tired. I feel fat. My face is breaking out. I just don't feel very attractive right now.
I feel like I should tell people. Not people, but like Todd. I want to tell Todd because he's like family to me and even today, this morning at starbucks, he asked when I was going to have a baby. I paused for a minute, and then said I don't know, we're practicing. I wanted to tell him. He's like a dad to me, like a best friend. Maybe it's just because I know I can trust him. He's open an honest and will keep the things I say to him, to himself. But then I think, he's always in a pretty good mood, always cool and calm.. would that change things if I told him. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, but hopeful for the future. I guess I just want people to stop asking me when I'm going to have a baby. God this is consuming my whole world. It's all I think about. I try to be strong. In fact, at the dr's office today, I actually told myself I was strong and then thought to myself, You're only as strong as you let yourself be. And that made perfect sense.
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