Everybody Loves a Monkey

is that people like Christina Aguilara will be pregnant longer than me. Why I think this way, I have no idea. I've just always thought, it seems celebs get PG and have their babies sooo fast. This time, I'm PG so I have a gauge I guess you could say. Guess I could have paid a little more attention to them and their babies, but that's way too much effort.

So far, Christina Aguilar and Nicole Richie are the only two I can think of that got PG after me.

All of this is irrelevant. I won't give a flyin hoot once my son is here. Or maybe I will. Who knows?

Man, the Tour de France has loads of issues this year. After 104 years or bike racing through the twenty some stages, mountains, flats, accidents, wins, losses... there's tons of scandals this year. 3 of the top contenders have been eliminated over the past week because of doping allegations. That would be, pretty much a blood transfusion. Not allowed, get the flock out of here. We shall see where this lead us down the road. Will next year require harsher (is that a word?) drug testing? Perhaps testing before each stage? I dont' think that would work out so well for cyclists to be biking after having to give blood... but what do I know?

So many scandals, so many forks in the road. In a town close to us, there was this incident. A high school kid had a party at his house. His parents knew the kids were downstairs drinking. Later that night, the kids left and 4 of them were in a terrible car accident, killing 2 of them. Now the parents have been convicted and most likely will spend time in jail for allowing this to happen. last week, 3 of the kids involved in this incident were arrested again for being drunk. Teens in this area... lost of money, lots of freedom, very little responsibility.... bad mix.

Controversy

Do you let your kids drink? If so, do you let them drink with their friends at your house? If so, do you take the keys away from them? Do their parents know you allow this? How do you go and protect your kid from making huge mistakes like these kids did? Should you be held legally responsible for their actions?

I feel as though it's harsh to say this but yes, these parents had no right to let the kids drink at their house and let them drive home. I don't know how I'm going to feel when my son hits that age, but I'm hoping that I can raise a responsible enough child to know what road to take with him. Having a relationship with him that I consider open and honest... I know that's so hard to accomplish in this day and age, but my mother did it with me and she raised me to be me... a terribly responsible kid, always the one to take care of everyone around me, including her. I guess I was born this way because I do recall raising HER for a number of years. I was 13 when I moved out. Moved in with a friend that had a baby... she was 16. I still took care of my mom. Sometimes I wonder how often she felt sad about the way things turned out between the two of us. Or rather, sad about the way things went between the two of us during my teen years. We were always the best of friends but not that kind of relationship you hope to have with your kid, a friend, but first and foremost, a parent. She was my best friend. I hope that when the time comes, I can see the differences between me and my mom and the way we raise our children. It's strange saying that since the child she "raised" was me... and I don't think she did too bad. :) My brother, on the other hand... is totally opposite me. He's got to wear blinders these days. Stay focused on one family, one routine, one style of life or he screws up. So he's been dating this older woman for some time. She smacked him into shape and I thank her for being there for my brother. He doesn't know I'm pregnant. I can't bother him with this. It'll throw a wrench into his universe of spokes and that's not something I want to do to him right now. He has a daughter but hasn't seen her since she was born. I think she lives in Florida. I come from such a broken world, (who doesn't?) I guess that's why I am so happy and so in love with the structured life and the wonderful man in my life. I appreciate every single second that I add normalcy into H's life and will into my son's life. I vowed as a kid... I think I was 12, when I realized that my family was gone... a feud that continues to this day, I vowed that I would make things different for my family. My life would be completely different. It starts with me. I wouldn't do anything that wasn't true to my heart and would do my best to capture all the dreams that I could possibly fit into my gray matter. So far so good. I would never tell my mother that she failed me in the family department becasue I can say that when I needed her, she was all the family I could ever need and ever ask for. It was the part where she needed and asked that of me where my life became different than any other person that I know. An instant adult. Seeing the big picture at age 10. Never wanting or needing that adrenaline rush that you get from being a "bad kid"... Unlike my one regret (ongoing - which yes, I know can be resolved) of not finishing college, I don't regret being the mini adult, growing up too fast, taking care of anyone and everyone that has ever crossed my path until they crossed me. I think my experiences have taught me the real things that are important and the things that I need and want in my life.

I don't know where any of that came from. Maybe it's because I was about to fall asleep at my desk. Maybe it was from reading about Lindsay Lohan and her troubles. I don't buy the bullshit of "she didn't grow up in a good family" excuse. Fuck off. I grew up on welfare, foodstamps, mom in night school, working during the day, brother as a babysitter. I'm pretty sure that any mother allowing her 11 year old to babysit his 6yr old sister for 5hrs at night would have her children taken away from her. Grew up with gangs in my hood. My brother experienced that... joined a gang... was "jumped" out when he realized that it wasn't for him... House getting shot up, DCFS (dept child fam services)... having my mom get her ass kicked by her boyfriend, fracturing her arm.

I've seen a lot. I would say, I've seen just about everything... but that's not true... there's much more to come. Only difference is the rest of this journey will be brighter for my family. Different focus. Good memories that won't be smothered by pains and traumatic experiences and difficult times. That's my choice. Those times have made me who I am. Maybe this is me saying I don't want my son to be like me... but I do at the same time. I guess I need to go jump in a huge colander and sift out all the stuff that he won't have to go through. Who knows what he'll be capable of doing with that lifestyle. We shall see....