Everybody Loves a Monkey

I met with a friend for cocktails and nacho's last night. That was a lot of fun. He's a great guy who has been through the scrutiny of my old "hood". Run up and down the flagpole, if you will. It's funny, he and I talk almost every day. Really about nothing. Which is cool. We talk more now than we ever did when I actually lived in that city. Now, both of us have our lives, me married, him -living with his girlfriend and their ADORABLE little 3yr old boy. I don't think anyone that lives in our old town knows that we talk via email so often. It's probably for the best since they would take that and start some serious rumors. Not that it matters because we both have moved out of that town, but it's still annoying.

Well, I sent him an email this AM and he didn't respond. So naturally, I'm worried about him. It's what I do.

Talking to him last night, we got into a conversation about my ex best friend Amy. I truly love that girl. Always will. Will we ever be friends again? No. And I"m okay with that. Long story, but in the end, after 13 yrs, she chose to live this life wiht her new husband (whom I introduced her to) and his "lifestyle" over me. Not that I wanted her to choose one of the other, because I would never do that. She just looked for the perfect time to "dump" me. My friend last night, told me that he is going through the same thing with her and her husband. He's slowly being pushed off their radar and recently realized that if he never called them again, he would never see them again. Why do people do that? I mean, how is it so easy for them to throw away my relationship of 13 years and his relationship of 25 years!?!? How is it so easy for ppl to just write you off like that? Amazing to me. For a year or two, I blamed myself. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I was the bad friend. I beat myself up pretty bad about it. Why? Because I cared too much about what people thought of me. I cared to much that she believed I hurt her so bad that she couldn't talk to me ever again. I believed I hurt her. And I spent all that time trying to figure out what it was that I did. And then one day, just like that, I realized, it's not me. What a relief that was.

I love my friends and would do anything for them and would go out of my way to NOT hurt them. It's how I've always been and for her to make me feel different about myself...well that's just disappointing. I wish nothing but the best for her. I worry about her future. She's about to have a baby. I hope things work out for them.

Saddest part of the whole situation? If she needed me, if she called me crying, if she reached out to me, I'd be there for her in a heartbeat. No questions asked. I wouldn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't want an apology, I wouldn't think (or want ) that it would change the status of our relationship. It's the way I roll. And she knows that. THAT, makes me smile.

On a brighter note, my husband is struggling to put together a super secret date for me for tomorrow. He's decided against the soccer game during the day. We'll see what happens. Either way, I get to spend the whole day with him... and I can't wait.

That brings me to another random, I spend all of my time with him. Last night was the first night I went out without him in... I can't even remember how long it's been. We spend the weekends together, shopping, cleaning, lunch, dinner... all of our waking (and sleeping :) moments together. The guys at work here think that's crazy. Is it?I know it's good to get a little "me" time in and I do that Sat AM at Starbucks... but is it really that crazy to spend all that time with your significant other? Why? I married him...I kinda want to spend time with him. Makes sense to me.

My hands hurt from typing. Gotta take a break from this chatty cathy morning.