Everybody Loves a Monkey

Alright, I'm back. Went to use the loo. I tell you what is entertaining is women poopers. Yeah, especially here at work. There are a couple different pooper personalities in my office building.

• The blower - This one particular lady (who was just in the restroom) gets herself good and cozy in a stall to do her business. If anyone walks in, she commences the blowing. She will blow every single drop of snot out of her body as in to disguise the real reason behind this visit, poop. Because apparently people lock themselves IN the stall when they need to blow their nose. I tell ya, I know the sound of a dry nose, that CANT feel good.
  
• Silent Suzy - This is the lady (there are quite a few of them in this building),when someone walks in, she'll sit there silently as if she's not there. Perhaps she should be called the invisible pooper. She won't breath, cough, sniff, move, nothing... until the bathroom has cleared. Good one, I didn't see you there. For this one, I like to take my sweeeeeeet time, wash my hands twice, fix my hair, my makeup, make sure my ass looks as good as it can...maybe even wash the salt off my boots... I'm an asshat, I know.
• Hand Washer - There's one girl who walks in, and if there's someone else in the bathroom, she'll just go over and wash her hands as if THATS the reason she's visiting the bathroom. It is common knowledge that each suite comes equipped with it's very own sink. It's located in your kitchen, if you weren't aware. Imagine that.
• (p)Ooops - This is the lady who comes in, sits down with every intention of going #1 when she accidentally lets out an enormous toot. And immidiately following this, she turns into invisible pooper. It's hard not to giggle at this one.

Bathroom humor. Those are my favorites. I guess I have to entertain myself somehow in this office full of men. If the other tenants have to be my victims, so be it.