Everybody Loves a Monkey

*disclamer* these are all friends I have met online, or work with.

1. Tell a friend that you think her son needs leg braces? I just saw a picture of a friends son. He's 5 and his knees touch, as do his thighs, but his calves and ankles are spread out almost as wide as his shoulders. Not to be pinning a stereotype on the kid, but it looks like the legs of someone who is extremely overweight and the legs bow out from the stress. And this kid is chubby, but no where near being able to cause damage to his legs like that. He'd a lil teddy bear!

2. Handle listening to a friend talk about what a disaster her marriage is already? As in, her husband has done a 180 and no longer is that sweet, sensitive guy that he was before the wedding. Kind of a let go of yourself because we're married now, kind of thing? She's struggling and there's nothing she can do. I hate it because I absolutely adore her.

3. Deal with stinky people, B.O. or perfume/cologne? We all know (if you've been reading my bitchin and moanin) that I've got that whole pregnantitis heightened senses going on...

4. Deal with people that smack on their food/gum? Drives me nuts! I have started just pointing it out. One guy came back from a lunch meeting today and he was smackin his gums. One of the other guys said, what did you have for lunch and I said "Wait! Don't tell me, by the sounds of the smackin, I'm going to say it was fish... maybe breaded... or bready... sammich or something that sticks to his mouth. Or something that left a bad taste in there. What? That's what it sounds like to me!"

5. Deal with good friends being taken to the cleaners? Man, I'm so damn happy I'm not a dude. Seriously, women can be so damn greedy. Especially when you make a lot of money. A friend is getting divorced. (In my opinion, she should have divorced him a long time ago) and he's really having a hard time with the logistics of it all... that and her neurotic behavior. Going from "When are you going to propose to me again?" to "I think we need to separate." in a matter of 2 weeks. No joke. So her idea of a quick fix a couple months ago was to shop for a house. And she found one. Nearly $1Million dollar one... And they put their house on the market... someone put it under contract. He's under contract with the other house. and now, she's divorcing him, she'll get that nice new house and he'll have to pay her nearly 30% of what he makes. Evil, evil, evil women... I told him he shouldn't have gone under contract on that house... now look where he is.

6. The Camo-blow. Dude, if you're in the stall, the door is shut, I don't hear pee, I know, YOU"RE POOPIN. Don't sit there and practically blow your brains out into a piece of toilet paper because I can hear, there's NOTHING coming out of that head of yours! Ugh, except a bit of gray matter. I was going to go to the bathroom. Walking towards the bathroom I Hear someone washing their hands in there. Then I hear the camo-blower. She's blowin her nose so crazy... acting like she's not poopin. Drives me absolutely nuts. Now that I"m PG, I have little to no tolerance for such behavior and was tempted to walk in and say "You DO know that 'cover up' isn't really working and that everyone knows you're poopin, right?" But I refrained. I can't. I walked away without going to the bathroom because I just can't deal with it right now..