Everybody Loves a Monkey

I sit here, in my office, thinking about how I'd rather sit on my tailbonish area of my tush (OUCH), than sitting back and squishing the lil monkey, listening to the garbage man bang around the huge dumpsters outside... traffic wizzing by, thinking about all the things I should be doing. No, not for work, but rather for my future monkey. Thinking about all the things I've done to the poor lil bugger because I didn't know I was PG... that scares me. I mean, I drank, I tanned, I had my hair died (These foxy highlights aren't natural, I know, BIG Surprise) I sat in a hot tub, I drank more, I was on TWO vacations for cryin out loud, and had no idea! I drank through the most crucial developmental stages of this lil guys life thus far... did I ruin him?

And then it hits ya. TT, it is what it is. I'd love to think I'll be a good mother, take care of this lil baby as best I can. But that's just it. The best I can. It's all we can do. I may not be the most religiousest, but do strongly believe in fate. Everything happens for a reason and all I can do is hope and have faith that this lil monkey had a high tolerance for alcohol. I'm not trying to make light, but there's only so much we can do. I head to the doctor on Wed and hopefully, he'll confirm that the lil bugger is doing well, right on track. If not, well I guess we'll just have to face that hurdle when we get there.

That's the funny thing about life. Everyone takes it all so seriously, someone's always gotta be blamed for this or that... We fight so hard to make it what WE want it to be, but really, we have very little control over it. It's almost as if we're all puppets... but our strings are a little longer than a dolls... Every once in a while, we get a tug on those strings reminding us who's in charge. Sometimes you just have to understand and accept that it's in the cards.

I confessed a while back that I fall in love at the drop of a hat. Well dammit, you can't just go dropping stories like that on this overly sensitive, pregnant girl and not expect her to want to hug the crap out of you! Geezus, what are you trying to do to me? It doesn't surprise me that certain people are linked to each other. And the strange strange ways that happens to us... I'm not questioning it at all. I have room in my heart for more people to love. Unless of course you're going to be one of those heart hoggers, which usually only occurs in ex boyfriends. But you never know!
(Okay, you CAN go dropping these stories, I was hoping for a little more insight as to what was smushin your grape like it has been for the past couple posts.... thank you for sharing)