Everybody Loves a Monkey

1. Mr. butcher guy, when I ask for one lb of ground beef, please give me 1lb. even if you don't charge me for the extra .15 lb. Seriously, if I'm asking for a certain amount, chances are pretty good it's for a recipe that calls for just that. Now, I have to throw away that extra .15 lb because you thought I might need it. Besides, have you seen my ass lately? Clearly, I have no need for the extra food. I understand your intentions are good, but do your job for cryin out loud.

2. Taco shells. We have tacos all the time. Babe has fallen in love with the Stand n' Stuff shells. They stand up by themselves... Truly a genius invention, but are we really so lazy? Can't hold the shell? Okay, so I get the convenience. I think Babe is really in love with them because they hold more stuff.
Apparently there was some taco holiday that I wasn't aware of because the taco shell section of the grocery store was completely wiped out. What the hell? How did I miss this holiday and why aren't there any balloons around the taco shell display to celebrate this holiday? So my choices are 18 hard shells or 8 hard & 8 Soft packs. I don't want soft. Stand n' Stuff only! I dug, tippy toed, using other food as a "mover" digging behind the nacho cheese shells... there they were. Two boxes in the back that didn't match the other boxes... stretching, reaching and using my monkey tool, there they were. TWO boxes of stand n stuff shells. SUCCESS!!!

3. 1/4 lb of salami, sliced thin please. Since when does this mean to slice me some salami in bologna size pieces? If I knew she would understand why I was so upset, I would have said something. Instead I walked off with my salogna in hand and tail between my legs. Doesn't matter I guess. Lil Monster eats this stuff as a snack {gag} and she's 6, she doesn't care.

4. Mr. Bagger kid, if you slam my apples in that bag one more time I swear I'm going to jump over this cart and kick the living shit out of you! Have you ANY idea how fragile apples are!?!?!? Pay attention to what you're doing instead of telling the cashier, who by the way is ignoring you, about the day you got to sit in the drivers seat of your dads car! Do YOU like to eat bruised apples or banana's or pears? I don't think so!

5. Random shopper lady, I understand that you are in a hurry, but if you keep stepping in front of me while I'm trying to find a particular brand of cheese, I will follow you around the store and secretly take things OUT of your cart when you aren't looking so you'll have to waste more time and come back to pick up the things that you "forgot". Do you hear me?!?!? Don't mess with my cheese!